Ok, I know I've said this before, but I am officially going to start putting effort into this blog.
Starting with this: I started writing a story a wee while ago. It's about a zombie outbreak. It's not great, or all that entertaining, or anywhere near finished, but it's a start. Any feedback would be awesome :)
Shortly after the virus hit the deep south of America, the U.S. government quarantined the area. It all seemed fairly effective at first. Then the Americans announced they were creating a new type of soldier specifically to deal with the infected. They would never describe it as killing zombies, the general public would panic.
The soldiers were genetically altered to be immune to the virus, then altered mentally, then physically. Footage leaked onto the internet of one lifting a car, then throwing it at a zombie. I’m not gonna lie, it was pretty badass.
Once the swamps and cities of Alabama were cleared by these “Super Soldiers” the U.N. requested that the Americans send some squadrons out to different countries just in case the virus ever popped up again.
Within a few months, Anti-Zombie Squads were based in almost every corner of the globe. Within a year, they had stopped at least 17 different outbreaks. The world felt safe.
Then, the first one turned.
Apparently the immunity granted by the alterations was never fully tested, the lab behind it was under too much pressure to finish so they just skipped most of the testing stage.
The Super Soldiers were not immune to the virus, instead it just took longer to take effect. After about 16 months, the first batch that cleared out Alabama started acting strange. They were distracted, sluggish.
Almost overnight each of them became… something. No-one has ever been able to examine one to find out exactly what, but I’ll tell you for free that they aren’t human.
Soon, every Super Soldier across the globe had become one of these “Super Zombies”
We were screwed
Here’s were we come in, thanks to Britain’s “Special Relationship” with the U.S. we were able to negotiate the use of the super soldiers, as well as them helping us fortify our military installations in case of mass outbreak.
Now it means we have lots of giant zombies, in very secure, heavily armed locations.
Britain was very screwed.
However, these installations could have the weapons and supplies we need to survive.
So, the plan is to get inside one of these bases, arm ourselves and clear out zombies in the surrounding area.
Easy, right?
Any comments/ideas would be fantastic
I think that it's really good. Aside from the tiny little punctuation that it lacks in one or two places. I think that maybe you should try beefing it out a little more, be a bit more descriptive, get some vivid imagery in there. It doesn't really need it so much as it would benefit from it. It's already good though. Perhaps put a little bit more of suspense in, as it is it is very interesting, but maybe draw in the harder to be drawn-in readers a little more, and mind bomb the other ones?
ReplyDeleteI think that you could maybe make a couple of those paragraphs merge with one another or something, or perhaps just add in a couple more sentances. Just my opinion, I personally am not a fun of the small paragraphs unless they're one sentance ones for the dramatic BOOM! effect, which I do like the presence of in your work :)
All in all, rather liking it. Just perhaps a bit more of it? plleeeassse?? I like it, and I want more!! Which is exactly what you want a reader to do, but I want more of it at once, not just the stuff that's going to come later, if you see what I mean?
I think that your use of language is really good, and the language itself is very rich and shows you're rather well versed, but without using words that everyone'd be like "Whaaaa?" you know. Which is a big bonus, not enough people are using so wide and fluent a vocabulary.
It may not be l-o-l entertaining, at the moment, but there is a definate humor, of sorts, to part of it. Slightly sarcasticly or something, I can't find the word atm. But I think that it fits nicely, it would be very ingongruent of you to what in a joke there, it's not really the right place, do you see? Anyhow yeah, just a bit of constructive criticism there for ya. lovelove x